‘How I Met Your Mother’ is DUNZO by Trace De La Torre

mother 9 promo 4 COVER PIC!!! While reading the International Business Times online this morning, I stumbled upon a Spoilers piece on ‘the big reveal’ where we finally meet ‘the mother’.

I don’t know about you, but I was ready to meet ‘the mother’ 2 seasons ago.

After that didn’t happen I stopped watching.  Tuned out.  They lost me.  I was DUNZO.

I had decided to put ‘How I Met Your Mother’ up on my DVR shelf where eventually, all shows that lose me end up collecting what I coined — ‘digital dust’long after their expiration dates.

When a show grabs me, I invest real time, watching it LIVE — I endure the commercials — for me, it’s the purest way to watch quality television.

So when I saw the show veering off the path, baiting us with crumbs into the deep woods of everyone else’s lives, relationships, careers, and overall nonsense, I felt like ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ — DUPED.

The writers had sidelined Ted.  josh radnor 2nd fiddle    mother london phone booth

While ‘How I Met Your Mother’ always intended to be an ensemble piece obviously aiming to be the next ‘Friends’, they completely missed the mark and confused audiences when they took turns writing EPIC starring roles for the rest of the characters.                                                                                          josh radnor sidelined promo             mother baby  mother halloween                      mother barney borat

At the start of the series, Josh Radnor, as Ted,  was the indisputable star; but by the 3rd season, I was completely discombobulated by all the shenanigans distracting from the central story: Ted meeting his future wife — mother of his children.

neil p harris promo Barney became larger than life.  His overbearing, lothario, attorney character took former Dougie Howser M.D. star — Neil Patrick Harris —  to an entirely different universe.  harris tonys   nph all american promo  harris emmy

After the successful 2005 series debut, Harris publicly affirmed his gay status, joined Daddyhood via surrogate twins, and married David Burtka.  He hosted the Tonys in 2009, 2011, 2012 AND 2013 — which earned him 3 Emmys for Hosting 2010-2013.  Named one of Time magazine’s 100 most influential people in 2010, he got his Star on the Hollywood Star Walk of Fame in 2011, and became Elton John’s BFF.

alyson with mug promo Jason Segel promo Marshall & Lily became the Ricky & Lucy — (from 1950’s comedy show I Love Lucy) — of the East Coast.  They even moved to the suburbs for heaven’s sake! Their rising stars propelled — Jason Segel — onto big screen in one of my fave Rom-coms, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, leading to roles in other films such as, I Love You Man; Despicable Me; The Muppets — as well as his 1st BIG Celebrity Romance with Dawson’s Creek cutie & Heath Ledger ex — Michelle Williams.  The role of Lily took — Alyson Hannigan — back to the big screen in Date Movie (2006) and reprising her role as ‘Michelle’ in American Reunion (2012) — as well as entering Mommyhood while battling her own real-life stalker.

muppets promo    sarah marshal poster Des me promo i love you man promo

american pie 2 promo      american pie reunion promo date movie

Although Ted made — Josh Radnor — a household name in the Emmy Winning series, it seems as though very much like Ted, Josh’s career got sidelined — anyone remember his Writer-Director turns in happythankyoumoreplease (2010) and Liberal Arts (2012) from Sundance…? Exactly.

josh radnor promo

Already full-swing into it’s 9th and FINAL season (applause! applause!) after its hourlong  opener on Sept. 23rd — the series seems to be giving us even MORE crumbs and leading us even FURTHER into the woods by showing how each of the friends comes into contact with ‘the mother’ even BEFORE Ted meets her. 

                     milloti promo 2      milloti promo 1  

Honestly, the fact that we’re going to be teased into one big crescendo leading up to ‘the big meet’ is pretty depressing for a show I invested 6 seasons watching.

It’s quite staggering that we’re getting such a short amount of time to know the woman who is supposed to be SO  pivotal to Ted’s life — and the series.

While the focal point of ‘How I Met Your Mother’ should have been EXACTLY thatTed meeting ‘the mother’ and watching that relationship buildup to the THEIR big Wedding — it seems to have lost its way into the great big forest of sitcoms.

My hope for the series finale is that the writers do right by the fans and actually make the ending as epic as it first started.

‘How I Met Your Mother’ is on weekly Mondays 8 p.m. ET on CBS

Just in case the series is collecting ‘digital dust’ in your DVR — here’s a look at the Season 9 Promo: 

FILTH is Good! Tops ‘Trainspotting’ by Trace De La Torre

Filth 11 RAT! It’s hard to believe there could ever be a film that tops Danny Boyle’s 1996 ‘Trainspotting’ as far as unapologetic FILTH goes — but Director Jon S. Baird’s ‘Filth’ does just that in his current film release starring Scottish actor James McAvoy.

Filth 8                   Filth 1 Filth 3                filth red

Recently preemed in Edinburgh on Sept. 27th — Scottish audiences showed up in force at theatres knocking out cult classic ‘Trainspotting’ (starring Ewan McGregor) numbers  — $150,000 ($94, 460 in 1996 money) — by nearly double on its opening weekend earning $250,000 at the Scottish Box Office.

Filmed in Edinburgh and Glasgow, ‘Filth’ probes the deteriorating psyche of a damaged man who completely loses his moral compass.

Adapted from the novel by the same name and penned by Scottish writer  — Irvine Welsh — (also penned ‘Trainspotting’) ‘Filth’ sees James McAvoy play against type as depraved Police Officer — Bruce Robertson — indulging in the basest of pleasures — cocaine, alcohol, sexual abuse, mind games — in order to better his chances of winning a much sought after promotion to Detective Inspector and to fill the void left after his wife abandons him, taking their child with her.

Filth 9                        Filth 12

Left to console himself with all these blind, pure, unadulterated pleasures, Bruce fully channels his Machiavellian energy into scheming and undermining the competition at work who set out to solve a racially charged murder case in which Bruce may or may not have played a role in.

Despising his colleagues, Boss, and obsessed with his wife, in time it becomes more evident that Bruce is a drug addicted socio-path suffering from Bipolar Disorder whose mental decline leads to an ultimate breakdown that exposes a twist ending to this sordid tale.

Filth at Castle                   Filth 7

Also starring Jamie Bell, Imogen Poots, Jim Broadbent, and James’ sister — Joy McAvoy — taking a turn as ‘Estelle’ — Filth’ definitely packs a punch.

With no American distributor — YET — early rave reviews predict high box office earnings this weekend when it hits the rest of UK screens — TOMORROW — Oct. 4th.

The depravity of Bruce’s character is bound to make you squirm in your seat — you have been warned.

Here’s a look at the Trailer:

‘Big Ass Spider’ – A Breath of Fresh Air in a Stale Film Market by Trace De La Torre

Big Ass Spider BEST COLOR PROMO  I hate Spiders — with a psychotic passion — but when I came across ‘Big Ass Spider’, it was a breath of fresh air in a stale market of Supernatural, Vampire, Demonic, Psycho Thrillers.

‘Big Ass Spider’ spins a tale of a giant alien spider that escapes from a military lab wreaking havoc across Los Angeles.

Big Ass Spider DT LA            Big Ass Spidey Hereos

After a GARGANTUAN military strike fails to quash it, a team of scientists and one sly, wily, exterminator plot to annihilate the monstrous creature before the City of Angels is devoured. Big Ass Spider Stars            Big Ass Spidey

‘Big Ass Spider’ CRAWLS its way into theatres on Oct. 18 — just in time for Fright Season — promising to be one helluva FUN ride for all Angelenos, and squeamish thrill seekers alike — everywhere…

Here’s a look at the Trailer: 

Written by Gregory Gieras, Directed by Mike Mendez, and Produced by Shaked Berenson, the film is bound to resonate deeply with audiences because it harks back to a nostalgic time in cinematic history when movie audiences got their cheap thrills with cult classic ‘Creature Features’ that didn’t so much threaten the fate of their souls.

Here’s my list of terrifying standout ‘Creature Features’ that make the grade:
THE FLY (1986)  The Fly 1986
A David Cronenberg sci-fi remake — matching the original 1958 version — sees
scientist Jeff Goldblum accidentally splice his DNA with a housefly.
THEM! (1954)
Cult classic ‘Them!’ — highly influenced by fears over atomic energy in
the 50s, sees GIANT RADIO ACTIVE ANTS rampage through New Mexico, winning OSCAR
GOLD for its special effects of the day.  

THEM!
 ARACHNOPHOBIA (1990) Arachnophobia
Jeff Daniels battles a plague of highly poisonous spiders in small town America.
Still terrifies 20+ years on.
mimic MIMIC (1997)
Scientists Jeremy Northam & Mira Sorvino release a genetically engineered insect
into the New York subway to kill off a mass of diseased cockroaches in Guillermo
del Toro ‘s sci-fi Horror akin to Frankz Kafka’s ‘Metamorphosis’. The mutant
breed spreads rapidly, feasting on humans, mimicking their actions until they
completely encompass their bodies & souls.
THE DEADLY MANTIS (1957)  Deadly Mantis
Another 50s B-movie concerned with rampaging giant insects. Here, a volcanic
eruption melts polar ice, releasing a 200-foot-long Praying Mantis -– which soon
makes its way to invade Washington, D.C.
EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS! (2002) Eight Legged Freaks!
A 21st century take on those 1950s B-movies, this squeamish Horror-Comedy sees a
small town RAIDED by enormous, toxic waste-altered spiders.  Stars David
Arquette, and a pre-fame Scarlett Johansson with oodles of green CGI spider-guts.
Naked Lunch NAKED LUNCH (1991)
David Cronenberg clearly has a fancy for giant insects. In his adaptation of
William S. Burroughs’ cult novel, Peter Weller’s exterminator is exposed to
chemicals causing him to hallucinate human-sized bugs. Not for the weak.
THE SWARM (1978) The Swarm
A disaster movie with a stellar cast and sheer camp cements this as a Cult Classic disaster movie where a massive swarm of killer bees is the tormentor. FUN FACT: REAL BEES were used (!) – people were employed to clip off the stingers.
TARANTULA (1955)                                            Tarantula!   
To battle a world-wide food crisis, a scientist attempts to enlarge
cattle but instead unleashes a giant spider. FUN FACT: A young Clint Eastwood makes an appearance.
HIGHLY DANGEROUS (1950) Highly Dangerous
A British Cold War Comedy-Thriller where Soviets employ insects as
weapons-of-mass-destruction — using them as carriers of deadly germs. Margaret Lockwood’s
entomologist goes to the Balkans to find investigate, with enjoyably deranged
consequences.
Slither  SLITHER (2006)
An enjoyably despicable mix of Sci-Fi Horror Comedy — Slither sees a
parasitic alien slug crash on Earth, breed in disgusting fashion and
transform small town residents into hive mind-controlled zombies. Not to be missed by 80’s Cult Horror Fans.

THE FLY (1958)                                                              The Fly
The original lacks the twisted sexuality of Cronenberg’s 1980’s remake, but it
still packs a frightful punch. A scientist attempting to create a teleportation machine mingles his DNA with a fly during an experiment gone wrong, leaving him with the insect’s head and “arm”. NASTY!
THE WASP WOMAN (1959) Wasp Woman
Searching for the Fountain of Youth, a cosmetics company owner
attempts to stave off the effects of age by ingesting a serum derived from wasp
jelly, with disastrous results – she transforms into a murderous, LUSTY, Wasp Woman.

THEY NEST (2000)                                                                             They Nest
A deadly breed of insects infests a small town in Maine,
digging deep into people’s flesh and eating them from the inside out.  Directed by Ellory Elkayem, also responsible for Eight Legged Freaks, this silly TV movie plays on our universal revulsion of cockroaches.
Spiders 2000  SPIDERS (2000)
In Gary Jones’ magnum opus, an experiment to mingle spider and alien DNA (OH WHY?!) results in a mutant spider being let loose in a government facility, killing everyone in its path.

Black Scorpion THE BLACK SCORPION (1957)
Volcanic activity in Mexico sets free giant scorpions who ravage the countryside.  Starring Richard Denning (Creature From The Black Lagoon).  The film features some great stop-motion animation by Willis O’Brien (King Kong).  FUN FACT:  ‘The Black Scorpion’ started with a low budget, and as production wore on, faced financial straits.  By end of filming, money was so tight, O’Brien and his assistant were working out of a garage.  SO FUN!

Revenge S3: The Death. The Drama. The Big Reveals. by-Trace De La Torre

Revenge S3 promo If there was ANY doubt ABC’s Hampton’s hit ‘Revenge’ would be back with a vengeance after a second season fraught with distracting “meh” episodes, tonight’s 3rd Season opener is out to prove us deadly wrong.

The ‘Revenge”-tastic drama is rumored to be so explosive this season that it will make or break Emily Thorne.

SEASON 2 CLIFFHANGER FINALE RECAP:

– We got our hearts broken when Declan died after being trapped in a building Conrad had rigged with explosives, resulting with his brother Jack plotting his murder — what sweet dish of revenge will be served up to him cold…? Grayson for Gov

– Emily revealed her true identity to childhood love, Jack — will he embrace her with open arms, or recoil in disgust at the deception…?                                                                                                                           Jack & Emily

-Victoria’s long-lost son ‘Patrick’ comes knocking at her door — WHO is he…and why now…?

Victoria's Son

– Nerdy tech friend & foe, Nolan, was arrested for terrorism as a suspect in Padma’s death — will he go to jail?!

Nolan Ross S2

‘Revenge’ Season 3 premieres tonight — Sept. 29 at 9pm ET on ABC.  revenge s3

Here’s an exclusive vid to help refresh your memory as to where we left off with Emily & the gang:

Revenge 2 Blackout 

Here’s the FULLY LOADED 3rd Season Trailer:      Revenge 3 poster

‘Nymphomaniac’: More Psychotherapy than Porn? – by Trace De La Torre

Nympho  ‘Nymphomaniac’ doesn’t stir my loins. Then again, maybe Lars von Trier isn’t so much going for the titillating as he is for the psycho-neurotic.

‘Nymphomaniac’ — Lars von Trier’s most controversial film to date — is being touted as a  ‘poetic’ journey into the sexual history of a woman from the moment she is born until she reaches a sexually violent crescendo at the age of 50.

The story unravels in an 8 Chapter-Sexual-Odyssey told in first person narrative by ‘sexually afflicted’ title character, ‘Joe’ (Charlotte Gainsbourg) after she is rescued bloodied, battered, and near death — by passing stranger, ‘Selig’,  (Stellan Skarsgard) in a dark alley.

If the 3 enigmatic Trailers released — so far — are anything to go by, the audience might be disappointed if this two-part movie — YES, there will be a sequel — is more Psychotherapy than porn.

Then again, for all the hype of illicit, REAL SEX Shia LaBeouf — ‘Ch. 2: Jerome’ — and fellow cast mates are engaging in, (and we’re promised there will be A LOT)  let’s hope Lars’ teasing goes deeper and delivers both without numbing the audience.

‘Nymphomaniac’ — NOT yet Rated — hits theatres in Denmark on Christmas Day.

Nymphomaniac

With no U.S. release dates yet announced — if you’re traveling through Europe this winter here’s a list of countries whose screens you can riffle to in 2014 — Happy New Year!

France: Jan. 1st – Netherlands: Jan. 9th – Poland: Jan. 10th

Hungary: Jan. 16th – Sweden: Jan. 31st – Germany: Feb. 27th

Here’s a look at the 3 ‘Nymphomaniac’ Trailers:

Compleat Angler Ch. 1:  “The Compleat Angler”   

Jerome Ch. 2: ” Jerome” (Shia LaBeouf)

Mrs. H Ch. 3:  “Mrs. H”  (Uma Thurman)